If I Only Had a Brain…

If I Only Had a Brain headline

Vienna, Austria
November 19, 1927

“I would not be just a nuffin’
My head all full of stuffin’
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain”
– The Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz Scarecrow

Noted German philosopher Dr. Oskar Schmits has asserted that women are more trustworthy than men. But before we get all full of ourselves ladies, Herr Docktor wasn’t exactly paying us a compliment when he made that statement.

According to Dr. Schmits, we women have very little sense of duty and no independent judgment. Whatever our shortcomings, we make up for them with strong feelings of devotion for our employers. The doctor has observed that women “…work through love”. Dr. Schmits stated that a woman does not actually have to be in love with her boss – women are just more inclined to be motivated by emotion than reason. Apparently it is our devotion and not our minds that make us perfect private secretaries. Instead of asking questions, critically examining tasks, or arguing with the boss (like a man would do) we’ll just go ahead and do whatever is requested of us.

If we ever get brains ours lives will be a ding-a-derry, and we’ll be damned dangerous.